Mustard!
by oathk33p3r
Summary: Your yellowness is so...yellow. And your eyes, so yellow. And O! How thou makes my heart beat! editing in process
1. Sora's true love

**Mustard!**

_written by: oathk33p3r_

**Disclaimer: **I only own Linda. That's it. And the fat guy. This is the editted version of Mustard!. Read at your own risk.

_Sora's True Love_

**Y**ou are my light,  
That is why you are brigh**t**

_

* * *

_

**Sora** and the rest of the gang pushed open the glass door of McDonald's. Having too much pot, or potions, Goofy started to sing the McDonald's theme song at the top of his lungs. Surprisingly, Donald followed him.

"Bala ba ba ba I'm lovin' it!" They dropped to the clean, tile floor and rolled about.

Sora rolled his eyes. "Animals" he muttered.

A big fat man with a spatula and a hair net looked up from his greasy French fries. Spying Sora and the two "animals", he lumbered through the aisles of other greasy food and walked up to Sora.

"No animals are allowed here," he growled.

A scent of heavy onions trailed through the air and up Sora's nostrils. The boogers he couldn't reach with his fingers couldn't cling onto his nose hair any longer and helplessly fell onto the clean floor.

"Ok…" he choked pinching his nose and preventing more boogers to fall out; he was going to leave anyway.

Sora picked up Donald and Goofy by the neck of their shirts and dragged them outside.

Donald slapped Sora's hand away and pouted.

"I'm not an animal…" he muttered.

"Gwarsh. We're not that bad," Goofy added.

Sora sighed and sat on the curb of the vandalized street. He stared at the ground and poked at a lonely, empty cup with a large "M" printed on it. Then, he spotted something yellow; his favorite color.

"YELLOW!" He squealed as he dove for the yellow piece of something.

He picked it up gingerly with two trembling, gloved hands.

In the distance, Goofy and Donald was arm in arm, crying at the beautiful sight. How they got there, nobody knows. A faint, romantic music of bells and violins chided somewhere even further away.

"There's nothing better than love at first sight," Donald blew his nose.

"Yeah," Goofy nodded.

Sora sat there crouched in the street, stroking the sweet, innocent thing. It looked so beautiful: a lustrous, plastic package covered the golden mustard inside. Fine printing was imprinted on the side. It listed all the marvelous things contained in that small, shiny package. And of course, there was a small picture of a hot dog in the corner.

"I'll name you… Linda, my sweet," Sora grinned.

He continued stroking it, staring at what was supposed to be "Linda's" eyes.

It took at least three hours for Donald and Goofy to finally drag Sora back to his home. Eager to introduce Linda to his friends, Sora dashed to Kairi's house and grabbed her hand as soon as she came out.

"Come with me! Hurry!" Sora impatiently tugged at Kairi's frail arm.

Yes, only _one _of her arms was skinny. The other one was sinewy, muscular, and as large as her whole body.

"Where are you taking me?" Kairi asked, giggling as she swung her abnormally large arm about.

"There's somebody I want to introduce you to," he answered, grinning ear to ear.

Kairi's smile faded.

"Is the person a girl?" She asked.

Sora shrugged, still grinning.

_I hope not..._

It was amazing that it took such a long time to get from Kairi's to Sora's house seeing that they lived right next to each other.

"Where's your new friend?'' Kairi looked around the room. Her arm accidentally knocked over Sora's dirt collection. Surprisingly, he didn't mind.

Sora pointed at a velvet cushion with a glass case over it.

"Kairi, this is Linda, Linda, this is Kairi.

The auburn hair girl stood there with a blank stare. She fifteen times then finally opened her mouth.

"What am I suppose to be looking at?"

"My new friend. It was love at first sight. Wasn't it Linda" He winked at the mustard.

"Sora, stop joking around!" Kairi said, exasperated.

"I'm not! I'm serious!" Sora, indeed looked serious.

How serious was he? Well, his nostrils were flaring and his eyebrows were literally knit together. His hair practically lifted off his head and he was eyeing his desk suspiciously.

Kairi glared at him and slammed her normal arm on his desk.

"Look at me, you idiot, not your desk!" Kairi hissed.

"Oh, sorry," Sora looked at Kairi again.

"If there was a fire, who would you save; me or her?" Kairi pointed at Linda when she said "her".

Kairi expected Sora to say "you" without even thinking, but she was totally wrong.

"I'll have to sleep on that." Sora replied.

Kairi clenched her teeth and balled her hands into fists.

"That's it, we're through! I'm going to break up with you," Kairi screamed through salty tears.

She turned around to leave the room.

_He's going to want me back. _

Kairi expected him to grab her hand, but no such thing happened. Not being able to hold it any longer, she looked back.

Sora was talking to Linda as if nothing had happened.

This made her blood boiled.

_Sora's gone crazy!_


	2. The Secret About Riku

**Mustard!**

_written by: oathk33p3r_

**Disclaimer: **I only own Linda. That's it. And the plot. Read at your own risk.

_The Secret About Riku_

**L**ast year was filled with sorrow's,  
But this year brought me many tomorrow'**s

* * *

**

**Kairi** tossed and turned on her bed. Why was she so uncomfortable? Finally, she realized why.

Steroids. They had _ruined_ her social life. She angrily got off her arm and lied back down. That was better. Now, back to steroids.

She shouldn't have injected so much into her arm. She only wanted to slit her wrists because of her electric bills, but she was scared of blood…so, she decided to inject her arm with steroids. How? She doesn't know. But her arm wasn't important right now; Sora was.

"I have to think of something," she said aloud.

She thought about different ways to get the real Sora back, the one that liked her instead of some yellow rotten mustard. Then, she thought of the best plan ever.

"I could act like I like Riku instead of him!" Kairi sat up on her bed once again.

"Starting tomorrow, you're going to regret what you did, I swear!" Kairi swore.

Back in the brunette's room, Sora wasn't asleep as well. Why? Because it was only seven o' clock. But besides that, he was "sleeping on" Kairi's question. After all, he _was_ a loyal person and kept his promises.

"I can't just save Kairi because then Linda would perish, but I can't just save Linda either because Kairi would die. But then, Kairi has legs and Linda doesn't so... I would have to save Linda, Kairi would understand." Sora smiled and fell asleep even thought it was only seven o' clock. In his arms was Linda.

The next morning greeted the brunette with bright rays of sunlight.

Sora opened his eyes, the sun making his blue eyes brighter than usual.

He yawned and stretched," Good morning Linda, how did you sleep?"

Sora turned to Linda but what he saw caused tears to fill his eyes.

"Linda! What happened?"

Linda had combusted while Sora slept with it. Now, it was just a pile of sticky substance on his bed. Sora also understood what the sex educator meant by "don't sleep in bed with others".

"Why? Oh, why did you have to go this way? Our relationship was too great to end!" Sora held Linda and slowly rocked back and forth.

Kairi woke up feeling very smart and clever in her own bedroom. She finally knew; she _has _to stop injecting steroids in her arm.

She dressed up quicker than usual and went over to Riku's house to trigger her revenge on Sora. Before she knocked on the door, she dabbed water in her eyes.

A tall fifteen-year-old with silver hair and aquamarine eyes opened the door.

"Hey, Kairi!" Riku said, greeting her.

Kairi tried to look as sad as she could and started to sniff.

"Riku, I have to tell you something." she said in a whimper.

"What's the matter?" Riku asked urgently.

"You see, I never really liked Sora, it was you who I wanted all along." Kairi cried.

"Kairi..." Riku didn't know what to say.

"Please take me Riku!" Kairi hugged Riku's knees.

"I'm sorry Kairi, but I already have somebody; her name is Sarah." Riku looked down at his feet.

Kairi looked up with disbelief; there were no other girls on this island except her and Selphie.

"Don't tell me she's ketchup," she said sarcastically.

Riku opened his eyes in surprise, "How did you know?" Riku looked at his feet again, "But I accidentally killed…it was an unnecessary murder. I squashed her." Riku began to cry.

Kairi just stared. Now **both **of her friends were insane!

Kairi walked over slowly to Sora's house. She found him kneeling down next to a miniature grave.

"You were the most best listener I ever met, the most beautifulest and the bestest girlfriend I ever had." Sora was going to say more, but he saw Kairi and stood up.

"Hi," he muttered. "You know what-"

Kairi knew what was coming next and hugged Sora. "I knew you would want me back."

"Ummm... Kairi, you don't understand, I can't just replace Linda with another person. But you could always be my second best friend." Sora smiled.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Kairi's eyes lit with fire. .

Whimpering, Sora whispered, "Uh Kairi, your eyes are on fire..."

"THIS IS NO TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY EYES! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SELF!" Kairi spat all over Sora's face.

"Uh Kairi, you don't have to worry about your eyes any more; your spit put them out," Sora was close to tears.

Kairi clenched her teeth and balled her hands into fists just like the night before. She walked over to Sora, picked him up and threw him in the ocean. Then, she walked home and screamed; screamed so loud that her windows cracked. Kairi angrily grabbed one of the glass shards and slit her wrist. She had gone emo.

"You were a really good friend, Sarah, you always understood me," Riku talked to a miniature grave, similar to Linda's.

He wiped away his tears, stood up and headed for the bar. Back at McDonald's, Sora was in the same situation…

Sora wiped his mouth. He was drinking too much root beer. He headed for a refill but a basket full of packs of mustard caught his eyes.

"Linda, you never told me you had a _family_!" Sora ran over the packs of mustard and stuffed them in his pockets.

"You guys must be cold; I'll take you guys to my friend's house so we could warm you guys up."

Sora walked unsteadily, still being drunk and staggered to Riku's house.


	3. Next, Kairi

**Mustard!**

_written by: oathk33p3r_

**Disclaimer: **I only own Linda. That's it. And the plot. Read at your own risk.

_Next, Kairi_

**I **wanted to introduce you to my father,  
But that was until you became a gone**r**

**

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**

**Riku** opened the door. A drunk Sora collapsed on to the floor and Riku heard something pop in his large pockets.

"Hey, Sora, you alright?" Riku poked him.

Sora jerked his head up and wiped his drool off his face. It only smeared to his ears. He slowly stood up and leaned on Riku.

"Did I ever tell you that you were my, hiccup, bestest friend?" Sora fell again.

"Uh, Sora, you should sit down..." Riku didn't know what to say.

Sora grabbed Riku by the collar. "Old man! Help me take care of these-"

Sora took out the packs of mustard, some were "killed".

"Some are still breathing, hiccup, bring some water!"

Riku obediently brought water in a plastic jug.

Sora grabbed it and dumped it on Riku's carpet, totally missing the mustard packages.

"More!"

This time, Riku grabbed Sora and shook him.

"Wake up you idiot!" Riku had enough.

"I am awake!" Sora staggered towards the pathetic heap of mustard.

"Linda is probably watching me right now! I want to make her happy," Sora started to cry.

Then, Riku remembered Sarah. He looked at what his friend was going through and started to weep. He ran out the door and a few minutes, came back with ketchup packs and put them in the microwave to warm them up. It was too much for the packages and they all exploded.

"Sarah! Don't hate me! I promise I'll do better!" Riku sobbed and passed out next to his friend.

Back at Kairi's house, the emo girl was walking back and forth in her bedroom.

_What's wrong with them.. _Kairi thought.

_What's with all this McDonald stuff. Maybe..._

Then is hit her. Her friends both went to McDonald's and came out insane. Nothing happened to the animals so it must only affect humans.

Kairi dashed to McDonald's.

It was closed, but she heard voices. She peeked in the window and saw a bowl of water with a single plankton inside. It had only one eye and was a rather disturbing shade of green.

"I am going to rule the world!" Plankton yelled!

Plankton continued to yell like this and soon, Kairi gathered enough information to know what was happening.

Plankton, obviously from Spongebob Squarepants, had gotten some kind of odor to make people insane. This very odor was obtained from the breath of the hair net man. Kairi held her nose and dashed in to stop him.

But, the doors jammed and now, Kairi too, was insane. She looked at the heep of relish and namedone of themBob.

"Oh Bob! I must introduce you to my parents!" She walked daze to the exit, but since it was jammed. Ahe bumped into it and fainted with a smile on her face.

"Oh dear, this story is getting stupider!" Plankton yelled at the air.

"This is so LAME! I mean come on! Kingdom Hearts characters falling in love with food? How much more lame could it get!" Plankton screamed, his veins pumping.

Out of no where, a little boy looked up and said, "Uh, sir, wasn't this "lame" thing your idea?''

"... he's got a point there," Plankton looked at his toeless feet, "If I was the author, I would make some toes for my feet."

The little boy walked away rolling his eyes. "He's lamer than a pickle."


	4. The problem with Plankton

**Mustard!**

_written by: oathk33p3r_

**Disclaimer: **I only own Linda. That's it. And the plot. Read at your own risk.

_The Problem with Plankton_

**W**ish I can prove I love you,  
But I can't think of a clever word that rhymes with yo**u

* * *

**

Plankton stared at the little boy and jumped out of his water prison.

"I know it's impossible to breathe air, but I am invincible!" Plankton cackled.

Nobody knows how, but a tomato stumbled off an oak, shiny shelf and crushed the plankton under it.

**Q**Q_Q_

Riku slowly opened his eyes.

"Sarah, my Sarah, why did you go?"

He looked over at his drunken friend.

"LINDA! DON'T LEAVE ME! DON'T GO!" Sora whimpered as he hungrily sucked his thumb.

Not wanting to disturb his friend's slumber, he sighed and got up. He wanted to go to the happiest place on earth where he first met his love.

"Disneyland!" Riku whooped as he ran out of his house.

But who knew that Disneyland was at a small fast food restaurant called McDonald's?

**Q**Q_Q_

Kairi stirred awake and looked around. She was lying on a fine tile floor.

"Bob, Bobby dear, are you all right?" Kairi asked as she turned around to kiss Bob.

"Oh, I can't believe I actually wanted Sora." Kairi rolled her eyes.

Outside, Riku broke open the jammed door and stared at Kairi lying on the floor.

"Urrr, Kairi? Are you alright?"

Kairi glared at Riku and then her expression softened.

"Hi, wanna meet Bob?" Kairi held out the pack of relish.

Riku ignored her and stepped over Kairi. He walked towards the baskets filled with different condiments and ran his fingers through the crimson liquids floating around in plastic packages.

"This is where we met, remember Sarah?"

"Let's go, Bob, we could go out for coffee," Kairi mumbled as she cradled the relish in her arms. She pushed open the door and walked down the paved road.

**Q**Q_Q_

_Back to where Plankton got squashed by a bifruitvegetable._

"GOSH! COULD YOU STOP BEING SO LAME! WHY A TOMATO?" Plankton shouted as he heaved the tomato off of his body. Surprisingly, it only landed a whole inch away from him.

He just stared blankly at it then looked up to see the firm back of Riku.

"Great Blue, look at that beautiful chick." Plankton licked his hand and rubbed his forehead.

"My wife is never going to forgive me about this."

Plankton was only a few feet away, but alas, Riku turned around and stepped on him.

"Oh Sarah," Riku said again and again.

He left.

"She must be lesbian. JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT!" Plankton smiled seductively as he chased after his "one".

The mysterious boy popped out again and muttered, "He's lame AND has a problem.

He looked at the reader.

"You know, this story is getting lamer by the second, unless you're a stupid failing student and can't read a word per second. If you like to actually do something that is enjoyable, go read the dictionary, it has very detailed definitions. It is also very educational.But if you _still_ want to read this plotless story, be my guest, young Jedi."

**Q**Q_Q_

The hero of the story woke up to find himself in his best friend's home.

"Where am I?" he asked.

He looked around and the carpet felt rather moist and warm. He looked down and gasped.

"Oh, my gosh! I'm too old to wet my bed! And this isn't even my bed! It's Riku's carpet!"

Unfortunately, he couldn't recall last night when he had poured water all over Riku's house.

Sora looked around and saw that nobody was home. He quickly grabbed the cushions and his silver haired friend's couch and scrubbed the carpet.

"Riku's gonna kill me if he finds out."

**Q**Q_Q_

Plankton ran as fast as he could. As he did so, he was able to check out Riku's sinewy biceps.

"My, she's been workin' out!" Plankton was panting and limping from all the accidents he had.

"This is not a good day," Plankton muttered


	5. Can you hear me now? Good

**Mustard!**

_written by: oathk33p3r_

**Disclaimer: **I only own Linda. That's it. And the plot. Read at your own risk.

_Can you hear me now? Good_

**H**old me,  
Whatever lies beyond this morning is te**e**

**

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**

Riku jiggled the keys to his door and stepped in. A confused expression dominated his face when he saw Sora crying and mopping up a wet stain on the carpet. Liquid was also pouring from his eyes and nostrils.

"Um, Sora? Are you ok?" Riku looked uncertainly at his friend.

"Riku! I mean, um, I uh, you see, it's not what you think! I could explain!" Sora threw the drenched cushion in the air, which bounced off of Riku's head.

"Sora, just go home, ok?" said Riku.

"No, Riku! I'm so sorry! I'll never do it again! You see, I just woke up and-''

"It's ok! Just go home!" Riku glared at Sora.

"Ok..." Sora crawled out of the door.

"Sheesh..." Riku went into his room. There, he saw a small krill like animal gawking at his stuff.

"You're a man?''

"Uh, what do you think?" Riku backed away.

"No, I don't think you're a man." He smiled at him.

"Oh, sure, then I'm a woman," Riku said sarcastically.

"Exactly!" Plankton jumped up and down.

"Um, dude, I think you have issues..." Riku stared at him.

"Of course I do! I-"

**a/n: I think I'll just get rid of him...**

"Ok, that was weird. He just disappeared, not that I care." Riku shrugged and left his bedroom and started towards his kitchen.

Riku

"I think I put too much mustard on my hotdog." He mumbled.

Riku sat on the kitchen table and started to eat his lunch. He was getting along pretty well without his beloved ketchup.

"Sarah, tomorrow, I'll meet you in heaven."

Sora

"Oh Linda, only if you were here..."

Sora looked at the empty cushion where Linda use to sit, dumbfounded.

"Linda, to you I promise I will never have anybody else, it will always be you!" Sora sobbed as he hugged the cushion.

Kairi

"Where do you want to go now Bob?" Kairi stroked the battered relish and kissed it.

With Kairi and Bob, everything was getting along fine, until a seagull came by and snatched the package away to build a nest for its children, which only one of the three will survive to see daylight again. However, it snapped in its mouth and landed back on the sand with a sickening plop.

Kairi sat there, staring at the broken body of Bob.

"Bob? Are, are you there? Could you hear me? Please answer me. Don't leave me! If you do, I'm going to leave the face of this earth!" She kneeled on the ground and wept.

"It's okay, Kairi, my love..." A voice hissed.

"Bob!" Kairi sat up.

"Yesss, my own, my love, my own, my preciousssss." The voice was closer.

"Bob? How come you sound like that?" Kairi tried to smile, but was suspicious.

"Oh no, my precious, we is to sound like this yesss!" A horrible creature came out of the shadows.

Kairi screamed.

"What _are_ you!" Kairi tried to run away.

"We is _gollum, gollum, _Smeagol!" Gollum crawled over to her.

"What are you doing here?" Kairi asked, getting more scared.

"We is here to catch fishes yesss, but big head one took em all yessss..."Gollum looked towards Sora's house.

"Um, I'm leaving now." Kairi let out the scream she was holding and ran away.

Gollum shrugged and took out a cell phone.

"Can you hear me now? Good." He put it away and headed towards the other side of the island and took out the cell phone again.

"Can you hear me now? Good." He continued on.


	6. Sora's a woman!

Kairi leaned against the wall of her house.

"He was so _mutated_! What was he!" She went inside to look for an aspirin.

She opened her drawer and something came out. It was the spirit of her beloved Bobby.

"BOBBY!" She stared at the pack of relish with wings and a halo.

_Eat me...Eat me..._

"Bobby? Dear? Why would I want to eat you?" She was crying now.

EAT ME!

"Oh my! If you insist..." She took the ghost of Bob, closed her eyes and ate it.

YOU IDIOT!

Mean while...

"My preciousssss...we need foodses..." Gollum had gotten tired of the cell phone and threw it in the ocean 5 minutes ago.

"Who careses if they could hear us now or not!" He banged his fist on the sand.

"I DO!" The original guy that says 'could you hear me now' glared at Gollum.

"AHHH!" Gollum tried to run away.

"Come back here you lumping piece of cra-"

"This show has been interrupted for an important message. Sora really is ... A WOMAN!" Riku tightened up his reporter's tie.

"I am NOT!" Sora clenched his teeth and made his hand into fists.

"No, really, he's not folks, but I am!" Riku jumped up.

"Did I just say that. No I'm not a woman, I'm one hot mama!" Riku smiled.

"Stop joking around! You're ruining the atmosphere!" Sora was ready to punch him.

"Oh course I'm not, we ARE part of the atmosphere." Riku sat back down and patted his script.

"Whatever..." Sora calmed down and rolled his eyes.

Back to the story...

"I've got you know you potato mutt!" The phone guy had Gollum cornered.

"We've done nothing! It was all the fat hobbit's faultessss!" Gollum was rolling around the floor.

"You still have to pay the price."

"We will do anythingsss mastersss wants usss!" Gollum looked up mischeviously.

"Do you know the way to McDonald's" His eyes softened.

"Yesss."

"You've been there before?"

"Yesss."

"Would you guide me there?"

"Yesss."

"You swear?"

"We will dieses!"

"Good enough."

**a/n: I had so fun doing that part! Lotr rox...just to let you know...**

Gollum started to crawl away and the phone guy followed.

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I really really had fun doing this one! please review me! thank you! 

oh, and with the cra- part, don't get the wrong idea, i'm a person who never cussed in her life. Just thought it would be funny...yea


	7. Yo Housey!

Sorry...I didn't update for such a long time. Busy updating other stuff...anyways...last time we ended up with Gollum swearing the the cingular wireless phone guy that he'll be a guide.

* * *

"Hurry upses!" Gollum climbed on a rock and waited for the phone guy. 

"Wait. I gotta call to see if it works up here." He took out the famous phone and punched some numbers.

"Could you here me now? No? WHAT! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU SAID NO TO ME!" He looked around, panic rushing into his face.

"Whats it now?" Gollum rolled his eyes.

"They can't hear me!"

Gollum snapped his fingers and did that head wobbling thing. "And what do you want me to do, girlfriend?"

The phone guy just stood there, staring.

"You're mama! Come on! We better go now, y'all!" Gollum took out an afro wig and some bling bling.

"Let's go raise the roof now!" He started to walk away.

"O...K..." The phone guy started to follow him.

Back to Riku...

**a/n: Remember, Riku had said he'll meet Sarah (the ketchup) in heaven, tomorrow...read chapter 5 (i think) if you need to refresh your memory...that's what I did.**

"Sarah. Don't be afraid. I'll be there, just wait and see." Riku ate the rest of his hotdog and sat up.

"BECAUSE I'M YOUR MAN AND ALWAYS WILL BE!" He ran out the door butt naked, twirling his shirt in circles.

Sora looked out the window and saw Riku.

"What the..." Even though he was practically mental...he knew what Riku was doing was just...wrong.

"HEY! RIKU!" Sora started to get common sense.

"YO HOUSEY! What is up!" Riku laughed his head off.

Sora went out to meet him.

"Are you doing this because of Sarah?" Sora took the shirt from Riku and tied it around his (Riku's)waist.

"I want to let her know that I know how it feels to go around with no clothes...like her." He got teary eyed.

Sora rolled his eyes.

"You can't be born again but you can change. So change right now. Forget about her. Well..don't completely forget about her but just keep her in your heart." Sora started to sound so poetic.

Riku took a while to process what Sora said. "So...you want me to change...into ketchup? THAT'S A TOTALLY AWESOME IDEA! I LOVE YOU!" Riku started to laugh and ran towards a place where they sold ketchup.

Sora's face fell. "Well...I guess that works too."

Then, he looked upward. "Linda? Could you hear me? I realized that I shouldn't be like this. I'm sorry. I know that you're upset, right? So I'm going to change, right now! I know you'll always be watching me." Sora smiled and went back in his house.

Commercial guy, "Don't move cause we'll be right back after these following messages."

Ketchup commercial. "It's made with REAL tomatoes! No extra stuff added! Plus, if you buy RED KETCHUP right now, we'll be giving you a plastic cup! Absolutely free."

Just then, Riku popped out. "AHHH! KETCHUP!"

The camera started to be all over the place.

"TURN THE CAMERA OFF! TURN IT OFF! SOMEBODY GRAB THAT NAKED GUY!"

Technical Difficulties

"We're very sorry for the inconvenience. Now, back to our show!"

Kairi...

Kairi stood there, looking straight ahead.

"I-I forgot my line..."

More Technical Difficulties

Kairi...

Kairi stood there, looking straight ahead.

"Bobby? Why did you tell me to eat you? Why...WHY! YOU COULD HAVE LIVED!" She started to cry.

"I'm already dead, smart one..." Bob muttered.

"You...you could talk?"

"You just noticed?"

"I don't know."

"Look...you like me, right?"

"Yes...I love you, Bob."

"But I don't love you. Or even like you. YOU TOOK ME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!" Bob started to cry.

"You mean...you already had someone?" Kairi couldn't believe it.

"Yes..." Bob popped out of nowhere again and sat on the counter. He had eyes, a nose, and a hairy mustache which his mouth was hidden with.

"Wait...YOU'RE OLD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Kairi knocked him down and ran out the door.

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No more to say...PLEASE REVIEW! The reason why I wasn't so interested in writing this fic was because I hardly got any reviews...sniffs ah well...I'M GONNA KEEP WRITING! cheers and a flag is waving behind her 


	8. I am your fairy godfather

**Disclaimer: I know that I already said this, but I'll say it again. I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters and I never will. If I did own it, I wouldn't be writing fanfics because I wouldn't be a fan...I would be all over the world showing off that I made such a great game...Ok then...please go on and read this stupid story...nobody's reviewing anymore...it's tragic!**

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Kairi ran out as fast as she can nonstop. She couldn't believe that she was dating such an old guy...and he already had afamily"What was I? A fool?" Kairi leaned against a palm tree, panting.

"Yes,what else could you be?" A deep voice said below her.

"Who said that?" Kairiwas alert.

"Me!" Plankton popped outbehind a rock.

"Aren't you that one dude that was at McDonald's andthought Riku was a girlso you followed him around and you realized he was a guy and you got scared then thereaders and the authors thought that you were getting dull and annoying so she just got rid of you?" Kairiasked inone big breath.

"...um...yeah. I guess." Plankton looked at her with his one eye.

"Thenhow come you're back?" Kairikneeled down next to him.

"Because...I forgot mysuit case. You see, even bad guys get paid. But they just fired me...they didn't even give me my check!" Plankton waved his fist in the air.

"Well, you really are shattering the mood right now, so I think you should leave."

"You think I wanted to come? If you wanna get ridof me,go yell at the author!"Plankton crossed his arms.

Kairi grabbed Plankton and spokethrough clenced teeth. "Go...NOW!"

"Yes ma'am." Plankton popped away.

"Good...now where werewe?" Kairi started to think.

2 hours later...

"Psst...moogleluber, where was I?"

"Where you say that Bob was old and you can't believe it and you say, "What was I? A fool?"

"Ok...thanks."

"What was I? A fool?" Kairi started to cry.

"Aw...don't cry dear. I'll help!"A cheerful malevoicesaid.

Kairi looked up. A hairy man with a fairy costume on strings attached to a tree flew towards her.

"I am yourfairy godfather."

"I have a fairy godfather?"

"Everybody has a fairy godfather." He chuckled.

"I shall give you 5and a half wishes." He took outa wand.

"Why 5 and a half?" Kairi asked.

"Don't complain about what you get! Fine, if you don't want 5 and a half wishes, you'llgetnone, sister!" He yelled.

"Ok ok! Um...first of all...I wish thatBob and I never met!"

"Ok..." He just hung there.

"How come I still remember him?"

"Because I don't have magic." He stated, obviously.

"Then what was allthat 5 and a half wishes about!" Kairi stamped her foot.

"You stamped your foot?" He asked, surprised.

"I stomped it...there's words that have more than one meaning..." Kairi rolled his eyes.

"Oh, ok then...give me 50 bucks now." He took out his hand.

"Why?"

"Because I gave you 5 in a half wishes."

"NO YOU DIDN'T!"

"Yeah I did. And now I give you one more. That'll be 80 dollars. Hand it over."

"Wait here, mister! I-"

"I'M NOT A GUY!" She pouted.

"I thought you said you're my fairy godfather."

"I am...not all fairy godfathers are guys, you know..." She looked really upset.

"I'm sorry..but I don't have money and I should leave now, bye bye!" Kairi ran away as fast as she could.

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Ok then...that's all for now...please review, even though nobody ever does...ok, bye bye! 


	9. The cross walk part I

**For all readers: If you are reading this right now and still have a lot of time, could you please read some of my other stories? I'm getting hardly any reviews for them so I don't know whether to continue them or not...so please, tell me what you _really _think. If you think it sucks, just tell me. I won't be hurt. Thank you.**

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"Are we almost there?" the verizon wireless phone guy panted as they dodged volcanic rocks falling here and there.

"I said, Are we almost there!" He looked around, but the living mutant potato was no where to be seen.

"Huh? Hey! Gollum dude! Where are you!" He looked around.

Silence.

"HEY! COME BACK! DON'T DITCH ME!" He stamped his foot.

"Only if I had that phone..."

He looked around, then up the volcanic mountain. He squinted, and there. There was the big welcoming, yellow M.

"I can't believe it. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I found it on my own!" The phone guy smiled and jumped around. Then, in front of him was a mirror. His reflection reached into its pocket and took out a phone. Then, it smiled and put it back in its pocket. (harry potter, yes...)

The phone guy slowly reached into his pocket and took out his phone.

It was G L O W I N G.

"This MUST be a good omen!" The chubby man cried tears of joy. Then, he took a step forward, but there was...a crosswalk.

"Why in the world is there a crosswalk in the middle of nowhere?" He scratched his head and looked around, smiling.

"ButI and only I get to press the BUTTON!" He ran towards the button, the other side of the crosswalk had a red stop sign.

Slowly and dramatically, he went towards the shiny brass button.

"DAAAAAAAAH! NO PRECIOUS! HE MUSN'T!"a creepy old man flew out from behind the rocks and knocked him down.

"HEY! What was that for!" The man rolled over on his side and glared at him.

"He who presses the button shall turn into mutton!" Gollum looked around with shifty eyes.

"Mutton? Why lamb?" He asked, puzzled.

"Because it rhymes." Gollum said blankly.

"No it doesn't. Ahhh, whatever. Let's just cross the street. There's no car anyway. There's not even a bird chirping." The phone guy stood up and walked towards the street...

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OMG! it's been like a whole month since I updated...I'M SO SORRY! Just that there was adware...and sorry for the short chappie...I'LL MAKE A LONGER ONE NEXT TIME! I PROMISE! 


	10. FIN

**FIN **

"What the, it's done? That's it? The second fanfic you ever wrote is going to be ended without an ending?" Riku exclaimed.

"Why are you talking like you're in some kind of kid's TV show?" Sora rolled his eyes.

"I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SING THAT ONE 'I'M TOO SEXY' SONG IN KETCHUP AND THE BRITISH PEOPLE IN THE KETCHUP COMMERCIAL DIDN'T EVEN YELL AT ME TO PUT ON MY CLOTHES YET!" Riku pouted.

"Not my fault. The authoress ran out of ideas. And people think it's getting dull now." Sora crossed his arms and leaned against a wall.

"Where are we anyway?"

Sora looked around. Everywhere he looked was white, except for the wall he just leaned on.

"We're in 'the room'" Sora finally said in a hushed voice.

"What's 'the room'?" Riku asked, also whispering.

"It's where the characters just talk. This isn't "Mustard!" right now, my friend. We're just telling the readers it's the end. The end of "Mustard". LINDA!" Sora broke into tears and started to pound on the floor.

"Yes, my sweet?"

Sora looked up.

"Linda? Is that you?" Sora looked up at once and asked the mysterious voice.

"Yes."

"LINDA!"

"Sweetie"

"LINDA!"

"Sugar pie"

"LINDA!"

"I'm sorry to say, I'm an it."

Sora stopped crying out to the air as soon as he heard this.

"What do you mean?" He asked uncertainly.

"I'm an it. I'm not a she, female, girl, woman, whatever you want to call it. In fact, I'm both at once because most plants have both gender on the same root thingy."

"So, you're saying, I was dating a thing? AN IT?"

"Sadly so."

"Linda, I STILL LOVE YOU!"

"I'm sorry, but it's time for me to go back."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Give it up. We have to go to the other room that looks like Destiny Islands so you could run slow motion to Kairi with your arms out and embrace each other and the credits will come out and hit you and you knock out." Riku said.

Sora looked back at him with a blank expression.

"Whatta?"

"Just come on." Riku tightened the towel around his waist and opened a door that dropped out of the ceiling.

Sounds of gulls squawking and the waves crashing against the boulders greeted them both. Far in the distance was a girl with auburn hair and lavender eyes.

"Kairi?" Sora shielded his eyes from the sudden change of the light.

The girl looked towards him and stood up.

"Sora?"

"KAIRI!"

"SORA!"

They ran to each other, beautiful tears streaming out of their eyes.

"KAIRI!"

"SORA!"

The two collided and fell on the floor.

"KAIRI!"

"SORA!"

"KAIRI!"

"Just hug already." Riku said, rolling his eyes, his hand ready on a lever.

The two hugged, reunited.

"I love you," Sora whispered as he brushed the bangs away from Kairi's eyes.

"I love you too."

_When you walk away, you don't hear me say 'please, oh baby, don't go.'_

The two looked around.

The place became darker and darker until they were completely surrounded by darkness and some girl singing about being clean and simple.

_Simple and Clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight, and it's hard to let it go._

"SORA, WATCH OUT!" Kairi scrambled to her feet and held onto some white thing.

"What the. Hey! HELP ME!" Sora reached out his hand to Kairi.

"I can't! I need to save myself!" Kairi screamed back.

Sora was being lifted up higher and higher, the song still echoing all around him.

"Fine, REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE! I'M ALWAYS WITH YOU TOO! I'LL COME BACK FOR YOU, I PROMISE." Sora cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted to Kairi who was now a little dot.

"I KNOW YOU WILL!" Kairi shouted back. Then, she grinned and took out a wallet from her pocket.

"Cause I have your wallet," She added to herself.

And there, the young couple was separated, the hero of the story still holding to his promise while the maiden waited day by day for his return.

"Yeah right."

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And so, that's the end of Mustard, my second completed fanfiction. I feel so proud. But hey, you'll never know if I'll make a second one.


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